John & Martha XI

* Subliminal Appeals on Cable News?

Several of the main cable news channels are displaying a visual of Hurricane Dean as a marquee in one corner, as it tears through the Caribbean. But sometimes when I'm channel-surfing and not thinking (happens a lot), I suddenly come upon this visual and see at first—gasp—a BREAST. And the hurricane's eye is the NIPPLE. "I do not know what makes me see these things." (Hey, that was iambic pentameter. Cool.)

* John & Martha VIII

(There are several levelsl of irony here, too.)

* John & Martha VII

(Obviously—and intentionally—you can read this cartoon in a variety of ways.)

* YouTube Debate: The Unasked Questions

I believe that tomorrow night is the CNN "YouTube" Democratic debate, for which "home youtubers" can send in their video questions for the candidates. Questions you WON'T hear in the debate:

1) What should the government be doing about Silicon Lizard? ["Silicon Lizard" = the title of an old surrealist poem of mine]

2) Please raise your hand if you think all this talk about religion in the primary debates has been a bunch of disingenuous, pandering, hypocritical bullshit. [Assuming no hands are raised, a follow-up question (the one that Larry King asked Paris Hilton!):] What is your favorite passage from the Bible? [Then:] How many minority groups does this passage alienate & ostracize?

3) Would you consider a gay Native American paraplegic as a running mate?

4) Please raise your hand if you really consider George W. Bush to be an illiterate nincumpoop who will certainly be remembered as the worst president in history by far.

5) Tell us what you think—or know—that the candidate to the right of you likes to do in bed, as his/her most lascivious & taboo turn-on. (The candidate on their far right can speculate instead on whether metaphysics is the finding of bad reasons for what we believe on instinct.)

6) When did you last beat your significant other?

7) If elected, do you promise never to serve, and to leave the country & never come back? [a paraphrase from somebody else's poem, by I forget who]

8) If you idiot Democrats couldn't even beat George W. Bush in two straight elections, what are you wasting our time for, again? (Shouldn't we select a candidate, at least, whose first name is CHAD?)

9) Given you liberals' great concern for global warming, will you promise to campaign around the country without the use of fossil-fuel transportation? (Hey, it'll work those hips & bellies off o' some of yu'.)

10) Will you PLEASE promise never to end a speech with anything close to "God bless America"? If not, could you define both "God" and "America" in your campaign materials? If no to both, could you please read Dante's Inferno and accustom yourself to the most nether circle of Hades, because that's where I'm telling you to go?

* Bar Band Blues I

Me playing in a Yankton (SoDak) bar a few years ago:

* John & Martha VI

À propos the Michael Vick dog-betting fiasco:

* Peahen Politics

* EGRETude #1 (Bad Vibes at the FCZoo)

* John & Martha V

My wife just told me over the phone that my natural disposition is "mean and hurtful." I think it "merely" stems from being an oldest child, with an instinct to kick the younger siblings out of the nest? And yes, there's a definite attraction/similarity to Michael Savage here: as much as I detest his politics/worldview in toto, I no doubt still relish his "mean & hurtful" tone?!

* John & Martha IV; Quitting Smoking

Maybe this is only funny to me because I just quit smoking myself (16 days, 11 hours, & 31 minutes ago):Quitting smoking partly—no, mostly—explains why I've been on a lot of outdoors excursions recently; the most dangerous place for me right now is my formerly smoke-filled (& still smoke-stained) apartment. Car trips are my current salvation.

* Parental Cartoons II

* Parental Cartoons I

* John & Martha III

* John & Martha II

* Introducing . . . JOHN & MARTHA!

This is a trial run of a planned cartoon series featuring John and Martha, two Turkey Vultures. John is an avid Minnesota Twins fan, and Martha enjoys the masochism of reading Kafka. . . . (Really, I just made all that up. I have to get to know them better first. But apparently John has some angst regarding relationships, and Martha has a rather sharp tongue.) But: BEST OF ALL, I do know that they listen to/watch the same talk shows that I do!—so some feathers may fly. . . . {original Turkey Vulture photos: TCG, Canyon Lake, SD, 6/14/07}

* "Lose the 'Old Country,' Damned Immigrants!"

I'm tired of these immigrants to the grand ol' U.S.A. who refuse to assimilate. You know who I mean. For instance, there's this town in Nebraska I drive through on the way to my wive's in SoDak: since it dubs itself the "Swedish Capital of Nebraska," many of its business signs sport the foreign word, Valkommen. (This may be some code word to new illegal Swedes, for all I know, still sneaking in by the buggy-load . . . from Minnesota?) Let's ASSIMILATE, people! We didn't let you into this country so that you could cling to the antique foreigner ways of your ethnic isolationism—which, from what I hear on the talk radio, consist mainly of sexual and socialist perversions.

* Life's Little Riddles

How do you know when sauerkraut's gone bad?

* ENGLISH FURST!

Deer Presedent Busch;

Pleez pass a law makeing Engish the onely offishul language in Amerika, if these himigrants want to be citisins they got to lurn to speak and rite good Engfish! Besides, I'm tard of ordring a Super-Sighs meal at Macks and not even bean understood wurse yet when I try to call for poorn sex they always say "for English press one". WHICH one? Mr. Presdient, its just getting to dam confusing.

Conserned in Pyorrhea

* Blue Jay Ways

My photo of a Blue Jay at my feeder this January, w/ "editorial." (Cartoon balloon added w/ Comic Life 1.3.) . . .